Nov. 7, 2006
Belief is something that people do blindly, yet it is said that seeing is believing. This contradiction is, in my opinion, what makes believing so difficult. How do you believe in something you cannot see? How do you go all in without knowing what is next? At this point in my life, I feel that I am at a crossroad; I can be scared or I can believe.
I am one of those people who is constantly worried about everything. I always wonder about what is next, and most of the time I fear the unknown. I have a hard time truly believing that I will be okay, or even that I will succeed. Before the start of the season, all of my fears and insecurities rose from within. I spent an entire week fearing the rest of my senior year and the rest of my life. Being a senior puts you in a challenging position. I feel as though the rest of my life is so close and yet I have so much I need to do in the present. I want to be a good swimmer. I want to be a good captain. I want to be a good person. I want to be everything, and I want to do it well. I became overwhelmed. I became afraid. What if I don't have a great senior year? What if I can't be a great captain? Does the team need me? Why am I here? What do I do next?
With challenging training and a team that seemed "mentally tired," I found what I needed. I realized that everyone has fears and insecurities. I decided that I can overcome these daunting factors with a little bit of belief. I don't have to know what is in my future to know it will be great. If I believe in everything I do there is no doubt that I will succeed, whether in the pool or out.
As the season continues, my senior class and I are coming closer to the end of our time here. I truly believe that our team is getting ready for something great. Being a Lady Vol swimmer will come to have a whole new meaning after this year. We are all part of something that cannot be seen, so blindly we will continue to believe in this team, OUR team. And in the meantime I will put my fears aside, and for once believe that I can do it.